Dating 101: What A Mighty Good Man of God!
“What a man, what a man, what a man, what a mighty good man! Yes he iiiiissss!”
Salt-N-Pepa seemed to know what they were talking about when they made this song exceeeeeeeeept that they didn’t include godly characteristics in their lyrics.
In my last blog post, we discussed a bajillion red flags and even touched a little bit on the difference between yellow flags and baggage.
Let it be known that we are not looking for perfect men because no perfect people exist (except Jesus because He is God), but we ARE looking for godly and healthy men who are right for US and we will not settle for less than that!
So let’s discuss the green flags and characteristics of a godly and healthy man!
1. HE LOVES AND PURSUES GOD ABOVE ALL ELSE (EVEN YOU), IS DEEPLY ROOTED IN CHRIST, AND SERIOUS ABOUT HIS FAITH WALK.
A godly man has seen his sin and separation from God, his need for a restored relationship with the Father, a redeeming and reconciling Savior in Jesus, and a regenerated and renewed heart and spirit through Holy Spirit. He has repented of his sin, trusted in Jesus for the forgiveness of his sins, is living for God, and walking according to God’s Word.
His new life and relationship with God is evident in his words and actions. Not only is he growing closer to and deeper with Jesus, but he is helping you to do the same. He takes his relationship with God seriously because he loves and fears Him and wants others to know God too!
2. HE CURRENTLY HAS AND IS GROWING IN THE FRUIT OF THE SPIRIT AND OTHER GODLY CHARACTER TRAITS.
”The acts of the flesh are obvious: sexual immorality, impurity and debauchery; 20 idolatry and witchcraft; hatred, discord, jealousy, fits of rage, selfish ambition, dissensions, factions 21 and envy; drunkenness, orgies, and the like. I warn you, as I did before, that those who live like this will not inherit the kingdom of God.
22 But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, forbearance, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, 23 gentleness and self-control. Against such things there is no law. 24 Those who belong to Christ Jesus have crucified the flesh with its passions and desires. 25 Since we live by the Spirit, let us keep in step with the Spirit.” Galatians 5:19-25
LOVE: “an intense feeling of deep affection for a person; Sacrificial or divine love is an unselfish display of affection that will strengthen and improve all types of relationships.”
A godly man knows love because he knows God and seeks to love others with a sacrificial love. As he desires to be a godly husband and father, he is growing in the knowledge of what it means for him to be a sacrificial lover.
JOY: “a feeling of great pleasure or happiness.”
Having joy doesn’t mean that a godly man is never sad, upset, or angry, but that in the midst of hard situations, he still has the joy of the Lord as his strength.
PEACE: “freedom from disturbance; tranquility; mental calm; serenity.”
Being peaceful means that a godly man isn’t plagued with worry even in the midst of the hardest situations. Not only does he have peace within him because of Holy Spirit, he also seeks to be a peacemaker, not a peace keeper, among others. “A peacemaker is someone who is willing to resolve both outer and inner turmoil in order to establish peace with others and within themselves. A peacekeeper, on the other hand, desires to maintain peace by avoiding conflict. They typically give in to the tension or steer clear of disagreement to keep others happy.” A godly man knows the difference and though he never seeks to start trouble, he will step in to address and help resolve conflict when necessary.
PATIENCE: “the capacity to accept or tolerate delay, trouble, or suffering without getting angry or upset.”
A godly man is patient, but never passive. Having patience still requires him to act, but because he is submitted and connected to God, he will always carefully consider his words and actions before responding or acting. He recognizes that he is representing God at all times and wants to bring him glory.
KINDNESS: “the quality of being friendly, generous, and considerate.”
A godly man is kind and respectful to everyone he meets because he values them as image bearers created by God. But he is not a pushover nor does he tolerate unkindness and disrespect from others. He knows how to address and remove himself from people and situations that are not honoring to God, to himself, nor others.
GOODNESS: “the quality of being morally good or virtuous.”
A godly man understands that only no one is good by nature (Mark 10:18) and that is a supernatural work from God to make us good. Because of that, he is good because God lives in Him.
FAITHFULNESS: “remaining loyal and steadfast; the quality of being faithful; fidelity.”
A godly man who is faithful to the Lord in various ways - with work, in his familial, platonic, and work relationships with others; in his local church, at home - will also be faithful before marriage and that means he will be faithful to his wife after marriage.
GENTLENESS: “The quality of being kind, tender, or mild-mannered.”
A godly man is gentle with his words and actions. He doesn’t raise his voice or his hands at you or others. Even when he must speak hard truths, he is gentle when he does it. He values gentleness and sees no need to ever be harsh towards others.
SELF-CONTROL: “the ability to regulate one’s emotions, thoughts, and behavior in the face of temptations and impulses.”
A godly man is self-controlled in thought, word, and deed. Even when he gets upset or angry, he does not let people or situations control him. He takes complete responsibility for his actions and does not blame others for his own thoughts, words, and decisions. He understands the power of the mind, the tongue, and the body and never seeks to be purposely harmful towards people.
This man is one of noble character and you can clearly see that the fruit in his life is truly a result of being born again, not behavior modification.
3. HE IS ABSTINENT AND HAS SIMILAR CONVICTIONS ABOUT PURITY.
ABSTINENCE: “the choice not to have sex or any sexual contact. purity: freedom from adulteration or contamination; freedom from immorality, especially of a sexual nature.”
“Is it too much to want a man who is abstaining from sex until he is married and has similar convictions about purity of the mind, body, soul, and spirit because he loves God?” ABSOLUTELY NOT! There are men out here who are walking in obedience to God and His Word because they love him and they will also help hold you accountable to honor Him as well.
There are men out here who are not ogling and lusting after women; indulging in indulging in masturbation, fornication, addicted to pornography, or justifying sexual sin of any kind. And even if he struggles with some of these issues, he NEVER justifies any of it; he FIGHTS to honor GOD and women who are made in His image.
He understands that purity is more than physical; it is spiritual, emotional, and mental and also sees sowing his seed/wild oats everywhere and creating children outside of marriage with multiple women as irresponsible, impulsive, and animalistic.
If he can be faithful and have self-control before marriage, he can be faithful and have self-control after marriage especially because no one is going to be able to have sex with their spouse anytime they want. Plus, being able to hang out and connect to each other without sex is a great way to build a solid foundation of friendship and trust first!
4. HE HAS GODLY ACCOUNTABILITY, COMMUNITY AND SPIRITUAL REFERENCES.
ACCOUNTABILITY: the fact or condition of being accountable; responsibility. COMMUNITY: a feeling of fellowship with others, as a result of sharing common attitudes, interests, and goals. SPIRITUAL REFERENCES: people who can give a trustworthy account about this man’s character.
A godly man knows that he is accountable to God for his thoughts, words, actions, beliefs, how he treats others, and how he lives his life. He knows that the Christian walk is not an easy one, that he needs godly people in his life to help him, and that they need him as well. He understands the value of the body of Christ and the unique gifts that we each have to offer. Because he is not naïve to his sin struggles, he seeks to have accountability and correction in his life to help him grow deeper in his relationship with Jesus that spurs him on to love and good works in Christ.
5. HE IS ACTIVELY LEARNING AND PUTTING FORTH EFFORT TO BECOME A GODLIER, HEALTHIER, AND MATURE CHRISTIAN MAN.
A godly man is not going to be perfect - only God is perfect! BUT he is going to always be growing and working to improve himself in various ways. He will be working on his spiritual, physical, emotional, mental, relational health, growth, healing, and maturity.
You need to see the fruit of progression and the direction he is going in; the self-awareness (being in tune with your feelings, thoughts, beliefs, and actions), and well-roundedness (pleasingly varied and balanced) in these areas. He is seeking to glorify and pursue God, reading and applying the Scriptures to his life, enjoying and experiencing life, meeting new people, learning how people work and think, cultivating his gifts and talents, and always self-reflecting on how he can grow.
6. HE IS ACTIVELY PURSUING HIS MISSION, VISION, PASSIONS, INTERESTS, DREAMS, AND GOALS FOR HIS LIFE.
“He doesn’t have to have all his ducks in a row, but somethin’s gotta quack!” My dear sister friend Teiona said this back in 2018 and she is so right! A godly man is not going to be perfect - only God is perfect! BUT he is going to always be growing and working to improve himself in various ways.
A godly man who is ready for a relationship is going to have a clear direction for his life. His mission, vision, passions, interests, dreams, and goals are going to be his focus and they will be driven by his love for and relationship with God. Even if he is young and doesn’t know exactly what God wants him to do yet, he should actively be serving and growing in God, seeking direction from God, receiving wise counsel from godly and trustworthy men and women while pursuing the passions, interests, and goals that he currently has. As he is doing this, it will help him figure out what God wants him to do with his life.
Honestly, a godly man who is ready for a relationship will know God, himself, and where he wants to go in life because he would never want to walk with a godly woman into the wilderness, off a cliff, or nowhere at all.
7. HE IS AFFECTIONATE.
AFFECTIONATE: readily feeling or showing fondness or tenderness.
He is not turned off by showing affection nor is he obsessed with it. He cares about your desire for affection in various ways, has a healthy view of what affection is, how to show it, and understands that it comes in many forms whether physical (with boundaries depending on where you are in your relationship) emotional, or mental.
8. HE HAS BOUNDARIES AND RESPECTS YOUR BOUNDARIES AND THE BOUNDARIES OF OTHERS.
BOUNDARIES: “boundaries can be defined as the limits we set with other people, which indicate what we find acceptable and unacceptable in their behavior towards us.”; “honoring ourselves as a separate individual with needs and wants that often differ from others.”
Not only does he have his own healthy boundaries, he also respects your boundaries and the boundaries of others. He never pushes or makes fun of your boundaries and has no problem when you or someone else tells him “NO”. In fact, if he sees that you have trouble establishing healthy boundaries for yourself, he lovingly calls you out and challenges you to re-evaluate why that is.
9. HE DESIRES COMPANIONSHIP, COMMITMENT, AND COVENANT.
COMPANIONSHIP: “a feeling of fellowship or fellowship or friendship.” COMMITMENT: “an interpersonal relationship based on agreed-upon commitment to one another involving love, care, trust, respect, honesty, openness, and other healthy behaviors. The state or quality of being dedicated to a cause, activity, or person, etc.” COVENANT MARRIAGE: “marriage between 3 people: God, husband, and wife.”
This man is not here to play around. He is seeking true love and wants to love, cherish, commit to, and be faithful to one woman for the rest of his life in marriage. Not just that, but he knows what God requires from him to be a godly and loving friend, partner, companion, confidante, and husband to a godly woman.
He understands that a covenant marriage is one that seeks God’s will for your best interests, to love, serve, and forgive each other; repent, ask forgiveness, and change when you sin against God and your spouse.
10. HE LOVINGLY CORRECTS AND SHARPENS YOU IN HEALTHY WAYS AND ALSO WELCOMES AND EXPECTS YOU TO LOVINGLY CORRECT AND SHARPEN HIM AS WELL.
CORRECT: “an objection to what someone has said or done; you say something which you believe is more accurate or appropriate than what they have just said.” SHARPEN: “to improve or cause to improve.“
He will encourage you to conquer a fear, get outside of your comfort zone, take a risk, and push you to be your best because iron will always sharpen iron. He will want to see you grow, improve, be sanctified, and more like Christ. Even when this is the case, he will never pressure, guilt, or manipulate you to do what you don’t want to do or make you feel unsafe or uncomfortable.
A godly man doesn’t want a “yes woman” or a people pleaser who will do whatever someone else says just to be in a relationship or liked by others. Therefore he is also not afraid of being challenged and corrected by you or anyone else because he knows it will help him become a godlier and better man!
He wants a godly woman who obeys God, pursues righteousness, thinks for herself, and knows how and when to say NO - especially to him! He knows that loving correction and rebuke come from people who love and care for him. If he is truly desiring a godly helpmate, he understands that one of your jobs in the relationship is to help keep him in check and that he should never make you feel afraid to check him. (Don’t date someone who is unwise and makes foolish decisions!)
11. HE CELEBRATES YOU, YOUR GIFTS, AND YOUR ACCOMPLISHMENTS.
CELEBRATE: “acknowledge a significant or happy day or event with a social gathering or enjoyable activity.”
He doesn’t just see and value the gifts that God has given you, he pushes and encourages you to use them for His glory. He even sees gifts, strengths, and talents in you that you may not and encourages you to cultivate and nurture them as well.
He holds you accountable to do what you said you were going to do: Start that blog, business, and/or podcast. Write that book. Get that degree. Go for the promotion. Lose or gain the weight. Run the 5k. Start the ministry. Mentor those young women. Connect with that person you were afraid to reach out to. He sees your strengths as a benefit to the Kingdom, yourself, others, and himself, and not ever as a threat.
12. HE COMMUNICATES AND CONVERSES WELL, CLEARLY, HONESTLY, AND OFTEN; HE IS ENGAGING, KNOWS HOW TO ASK QUESTIONS, AND HAVE THOUGHTFUL CONVERSATIONS.
COMMUNICATE: “share or exchange information, news, or ideas.”
He values effective and regular communication. You know what’s going on in your relationship because he communicates his intentions and hopes for you all and your relationship and also cares about your thoughts about the relationship as well.
He calls and texts you not just for a quick check in, but to hear about you and how you are genuinely doing. He knows how to have engaging and fun conversations by asking thoughtful questions because he actually wants to get to know you and continue learning about you and who you are.
13. HE IS CONFIDENT & SECURE IN WHO GOD MADE HIM TO BE; HE SUPPORTS AND BUILDS YOU AND OTHERS UP.
CONFIDENT: “feeling or showing confidence in oneself, abilities, qualities, and judgment; self-assured.“ SECURE: “fixed or fastened so as not to give way, become loose, or be lost.”
We all have insecurities whether we are aware of them or not. But a man with unresolved ones is not only very difficult for a godly, confident, and ambitious woman to deal with, he is also a dangerous man. The insecure man will take out his insecurities on you by trying to break you down, dim your light, and diminish your gifts. His insecurities are dressed up as arrogance, cockiness, envy, aggressiveness, manipulation, put downs, and discouragement.
But the confident and secure man of God knows who he is in Christ, what he wants in life, and does what God has called him to do. Because he is growing in his relationship with the Lord and improving himself in various ways, anything you do to grow in your relationship with God and improve yourself will never be a threat to his manhood.
He knows what healthy masculinity is and knows that it doesn’t mean shattering or breaking a woman (or anyone else) in order to feel like a man. Your relationship with God and growth will actually be an encouragement to him and he looks forward to you both being able to encourage each other.
Because he does not feel intimidated, threatened, or emasculated by you and your passions, interests, dreams, goals, ambition, and drive, he will always be proud of you. He will never seek to dim your light so he can shine brighter. This is because he is confident in what God has uniquely called him to do and is pursuing his own passions, interests, dreams, and goals as well.
A confident and secure man will support you as much as you need and encourage your freedom because he isn’t controlling. He will never see you as competition; he will always see you as a partner, a companion, and collaborator. Not only does he support and build you up, he does the same for others.
He is confident in who he is and knows what he wants in life and that includes you and a loving healthy godly relationship with you.
14. HE KNOWS HOW TO HANDLE CONFLICT.
CONFLICT: “a serious disagreement or argument; an incompatibility or variance; clash”.
He is not dismissive and can acknowledge when there is a problem that needs to be addressed and worked through. He has no problem disagreeing, but he is always respectful even when you do disagree. There is no arguing, name calling, yelling, accusations, defensiveness, or blame shifting during disagreements.
He seeks to understand where the conflict came from and how to work through it so you can get to a healthy resolution. He doesn’t blow up in defensiveness or shut down even if he needs time to process before talking about the problem. When he is wrong, he can easily apologize, repent, and admit where he is wrong.
15. HE IS CONSISTENT.
CONSISTENT: acting or done in the same way over time, especially so as to be fair or accurate; unchanging in nature, standard, or effect over time; compatible or in agreement with something.
His words, actions, and character are consistent because it’s who he is as a godly man who has Holy Spirit indwelling in him. Consistency won’t be extra effort for him and he won’t make excuses for not being consistent. He will be consistent whether he’s alone, with you, with other people, with the guys, at home, on a date with you, at work, etc.
His interest in you will also result in consistent communication and actions because he is interested in getting to know you. His actions and words will be consistent and in alignment.
16. HE IS CONSIDERATE AND THOUGHTFUL.
CONSIDERATE: “showing careful thought; careful not to cause inconvenience or hurt to others.” THOUGHTFUL: “thoughtful: showing consideration for the needs of other people; showing careful consideration or attention.”
His consideration and thoughtfulness is evident in ways like making sure you feel safe and comfortable when you’re together, asking for your thoughts, opinion, and advice on things or genuinely wanting to know how your day was and how you are doing.
He also does things like offer to take you to and pick you up from the airport, grab your favorite snack from the store, bring you flowers (if you like them) without asking, sees something that makes him think of you or offers to help you with something without you asking. He cares about the big AND the small things when it comes to you.
17. HE DELIGHTS TO LAVISH AND SPOIL YOU WITH HIS TEAAL (TIME, EFFORT, ATTENTION, AFFECTION, AND LOVE)
LAVISH: “bestow something in generous or extravagant quantities on.” SPOIL: “to treat someone very well.” TIME: “the measured or measurable period during which an action, process, or condition exists or continues.” EFFORT: “a vigorous or determined attempt.” ATTENTION: “notice taken of someone or something; the regarding or someone or something as interesting or important; the action of dealing with or taking special care of someone or something.” AFFECTION: “a gentle feeling of fondness or liking.” LOVE: “an intense feeling of deep affection.” The 4 types of love: agape: agape is unconditional love, "the highest form of love, charity" and "the love of God for man and of man for God." philia: “close friendship or brotherly love; love of friends and equals.” eros: “erotic, sensual, or passionate love.” storge: “familial love; refers to natural or instinctual affection, such as the love of a parent towards offspring and vice versa.” Eros: erotic, passionate love.
TIME: Men make time for who and what they want to invest in and care about. Even thought he will be busy because he has a life and something going for himself, when you need him, he will make time to respond to your need as a potential or current partner. You’ll feel important and special to him by the way he makes time for you.
EFFORT: Lazy and low effort knows nothing about this man! He makes sure he puts the appropriate effort into pursuing and seeing you; sends you cute text messages to let you know you’re on his mind; surprises you; plans thoughtful, creative, and quality dates and activities together; and gives you the time, attention, affection, and love that you deserve and is required for a healthy relationship. If a man is serious about you, he will WORK for you.
ATTENTION: When you are together, you have his full attention. He’s not distracted on his phone or in the clouds. All thoughts, words, and eyes are on you. Remember that you can make time for someone and still not be present to give them the attention they deserve.
AFFECTION: Though love languages vary from person to person, he will want to know yours and how he can show you affection in other ways as well. He’s also not afraid to show affection to you in public - hold you hand, hug you, kiss you, and show you healthy types of affection - so that everyone will know that you two are together. He enjoys showing you affection so that you know how special you are to him.
LOVE: He knows that love is not just a feeling or something you say to someone, but that it’s also an action. He doesn’t just say that he loves you, but he shows you love and thinks of ways to make you happy. He knows you can take care of yourself, but he wants to take care of you. He knows you can do it by yourself, but he wants to help. He knows you can buy it for yourself, but he wants to buy it for you. Giving you his time, effort/energy, attention, and affection are ways that he ultimately shows his love for you.
18. HE IS EMOTIONALLY HEALTHY: EMOTIONALLY INTELLIGENT, MATURE, VULNERABLE, AND AVAILABLE.
EMOTIONAL INTELLIGENCE: “the capacity to be aware of, control, and express one's emotions, and to handle interpersonal relationships judiciously and empathetically.”
EMOTIONAL MATURITY: “the capacity to manage one’s emotions no matter the situation.”
EMOTIONAL VULNERABILITY: “the ability or willingness to acknowledge (and potentially express) one's emotions; particularly those emotions that are difficult or painful. Emotions such as shame, sadness, anxiety, insecurity, etc.”
EMOTIONAL AVAILABILITY: “the ability of two people to share a healthy emotional connection; This and it thus elucidates the emotional and dyadic quality of relationships.”
Emotional health consists of being emotionally intelligent, mature, vulnerable, AND available.
This means that: He is not recently out of a relationship. He is not looking for a rebound to fill the void of loneliness. He isn’t still attached to and doesn’t still talk to or about his ex (unless they have children together). He has been in or is going to therapy and ready for a healthy relationship.
Emotions are very important and he needs to know or be learning how to steward them properly so that he can be a healthy man and in a healthy relationship with you. A man who can’t acknowledge, process through, or express his feelings in a healthy way or isn’t trying to grow in that, is not a man you should be entertaining. Don’t just think about the type of husband he might be to you, but think about what kind of father he would be if you were to have children with him.
An emotionally healthy man wants you close, to open up to you, and he is not shy to admit it. He voluntarily opens up to you about his life - the good, the bad, and the ugly and when you ask him questions. He’s comfortable enough around you to be able to open up and share his deepest secrets, insecurities, dreams, and all things personal. He is not afraid to say things like, “I want to be with you.” “I care about you” “I want to get to know you better” “I want you to know me”.
He respects your feelings, listens to you, and opens up to you as well. He wants to hear how he can make things better and can communicate what he needs from you to make things better as well. He makes you feel listened to and validated for your genuine feelings. He reassures you, puts you at ease, and you feel comfortable telling him how you feel. He wants to support you and know how he can help.
19. HE VALUES FRIENDSHIP AND IS A GOOD FRIEND.
FRIEND/FRIENDSHIP: “a person whom one knows and with whom one has a bond of mutual affection.”
The foundation of a healthy and sustainable romantic relationship is friendship and he knows this. He values you as a friend and because he has other healthy friendships and he knows how to be a good friend as well. He wants to know how you are, how he can support and encourage you. He speaks the truth in love to you, corrects you, and wants the best for you. You all have fun together and enjoy being around each other and your relationship goes deeper than just romance. If this man is not already your best friend, he has the potential to be.
20. HE IS FINANCIALLY STABLE & RESPONSIBLE.
FINANCIALLY STABLE: “feeling confident with one’s financial situation. This may include being debt free, have money saved for your future goals, and you also have enough saved to cover emergencies. or at least working towards it.”
FINANCIALLY RESPONSIBLE: “doing what one has to do to take care of their needs and the needs of their family. Others’ spending habits do not dictate theirs nor set the bar for their standard of living.”
Financial stability is something that he should be working towards if he is not already there. He doesn’t have to be rich, but if he is broke, he shouldn’t be dating. Being financially responsible will aid in his financial stability. He should be paying off debt if he has it and not racking up more, building his credit and savings, have a stable job, and be working towards the financial goals that he has. He is not trying to keep up with the Jones’s and look flashy for other people. He likes nice things for himself but still lives within his means because he is a good steward of what God has given him.
21. HE IS FUN & YOU ENJOY EACH OTHER!
FUN: “amusing, entertaining, enjoyable.”
Y’all genuinely enjoy each other and laugh and have so much fun when you’re together. Did you know that there are couples who actually do not like or enjoy being around each other?! Laughter in a relationship is very important. Life is already hard enough as it is and you’re not just going to need someone to go through the hard things with you, but also someone who can laugh and enjoy life with you. There are obviously times to be serious, but no one wants to date a boring stick in the mud who can’t ever loosen up and have fun. If he bores you, this is bad and an obvious sign that you should not be entertaining this person.
22. GENDER ROLES
GENDER ROLES: “how we're expected to act, speak, dress, groom, and conduct ourselves based upon our assigned sex.”
This one is a little sticky because culture has gone too far in one direction and some professing Christians have twisted scripture and gone too far in the other direction. Overall, this man does not see men as superior and women as inferior or vice versa. He recognizes that women and men are different and complement each other based on each personality and other characteristics. He has reasonable and healthy and biblical (not cultural) views on gender roles. He is not extreme and does not demand anything from you. Because this is a complex topic, make sure that you all discuss what you believe about valid gender roles and that you’re on the same page about them before you even get engaged.
23. HE IS A GENTLEMAN.
GENTLEMAN: “a chivalrous, courteous, or honorable man.”
A gentleman is a gentleman at all times. He enjoys opening doors for you, picking you up for dates, offering to help you even if you don’t ask for it, helping when you ask, paying for you, and treating you to nice things. He respects you and your boundaries, doesn't like to let you walk near traffic (but he isn’t pushy if you want to walk on the outside of the sidewalk), and wants to make you feel comfortable and safe at all times. He is not being a gentleman for show or to merely impress you. He is doing it because this is just who he is.
24. HE MAKES YOU HAPPY.
HAPPY: “feeling or showing pleasure or contentment.”
Life is going to have its ups and downs and you’re not always going to see eye to eye with each other. There will be days that he will get on your nerves and you will get on his too. No one is going to be happy or even make you happy 24/7 for the rest of your life, BUT overall you should love being with him and be happy when you’re with him! Not only should he want to make you happy, you should want to make him happy as well. This doesn’t have to be in the form of always doing extravagant things; it can also be the small and thoughtful things.
25. HE IS A HARD WORKER.
HARDWORKING: “constantly, regularly, or habitually engaged in earnest and energetic work.”
This man is not afraid of working hard no matter what his occupation is. He works hard, isn’t lazy, and doesn’t make excuses. His hard work isn’t just to have more, but it’s for his goal to build a future for himself and show that he would be a good provider for you and any children you may have one day. Not only is he a hard worker when it comes to his job or career, but he works hard to maintain his relationship with God, himself, you, and others. What good is a man who can provide materially, but who cannot or doesn’t want to do so spiritually, emotionally, and mentally?
26. HE IS HUMBLE.
HUMBLE: “not proud or arrogant; having or showing a modest estimate of one’s own importance.”
Humility is not listed as a fruit of the Spirit in Galatians 5:16-26, but it will come from a repentant heart that has the fruit of the Spirit in it. He knows that he is not the smartest, the most important, and he doesn’t need to always be right. Because of this, he easily self-reflects, can admit when he is wrong, and asks for forgiveness when he has sinned against God, you, or someone else.
27. HE HAS INTEGRITY.
INTEGRITY: “the quality of being honest and having strong moral principles; moral uprightness.”
A man of God will conduct himself in ways that honor God at all times no matter where he is or who is watching. He is not one way in public and a completely different way in private. He is not living a life of hypocrisy that would bring shame on the name of Christ. He has high standards for himself because he loves God and takes representing God well very seriously.
28. HE IS INTENTIONAL, KNOWS WHAT HE WANTS, AND COMMUNICATES IT TO YOU.
INTENTIONAL: “done on purpose; deliberate.”
He makes his intentions crystal clear and his behavior matches his words. Marriage-minded men who are wise and dating intentionally, not casually, are not about games and will communicate what they are looking for. They will not rush (this is a red flag and sign of desperation) nor waste time dating for years (this is a red flag that he is non-committal).
He understands the balance of time and having a reasonable timeline. A man who is intentional will want to grow in a godly friendship and see if it could lead to a potential relationship and then marriage. He doesn’t believe in “going with the flow” nor wasting time and he will not leave you feeling confused or wondering what is going on between the two of you. He wants a best friend, life & purpose partner, companion, confidante, queen, and wife to love and serve the Lord with.
29. HE LISTENS.
LISTEN: “give one’s attention to a sound. the act of listening to someone or something.”
He genuinely listens to you and does so to understand, not to respond. He actively listens, asks questions, and doesn’t try to fix something when you just simply need a listening ear. Because he values what you have to say, he also asks for and takes your advice. This means that he trusts and respects you.
30. HE MAKES PLANS FOR THE FUTURE AND YOU’RE PART OF THEM!
It’s normal for a person to make plans. Whether it’s plans to grow and develop oneself, to visit a new city or country, or get into a new hobby. A man who is serious about you includes you and your presence in his future. If he sees you all getting married, buying a house together, ministering to others together, spending time with family over the holidays, and maybe even having children together one day, this is a good sign. Remember that his words will be accompanied by consistent actions that align.
31. HE PRAYS WITH AND FOR YOU.
PRAY: “address a solemn request or expression of thanks to a deity or other object of worship.”
Because this man deeply loves the Lord, he takes everything to Him in prayer; this includes you! He tells you that he prays for you and he also offers to pray with you when you all are together. You can tell that the health of your relationship is in part because he prays for and with you. If he is doing this now, this is an indicator of what he will be doing for the rest of your lives.
32. HE MAKES YOU A PRIORITY AND SEES YOU AS AN INVESTMENT.
PRIORITY: “the fact or condition of being regarded or treated as more important.”
INVESTMENT: “investing in relationships means consistently sharing values, goals, and life plans. It is an important part of your togetherness that helps both partners see that they're sharing their life journey with each other. This doesn't mean that you have to agree with each other all the time.”
Of course he has a life and different things that he is working on and towards, but you are not at the bottom of his priority list nor are you something to be checked off his to-do list. Because he enjoys being with you and making time for you, you are NEVER A BURDEN NOR an OBLIGATION; you are an investment.
33. HE WANTS TO BE A PROTECTOR.
PROTECTIVE: “to keep safe from harm or injury. If someone is protective toward you, they look after you and show a strong desire to keep you safe.”
Godly men know the difference between being protective and being possessive. “A protective man still wants you to feel free, but he wants to do what he can to keep you safe while you're free. A possessive man wants to control what you do.” Madame Noire article. Because he is the former, this also means that he wants to make sure you always feel SAFE and secure when you are with him: spiritually, physically, emotionally, mentally, sexually (after marriage), and in other spaces. He will never seek to harm you in any way and when you communicate if you have felt unsafe, he will apologize and do his best to make it right and improve however he needs to.
While we can protect ourselves, there are men out there who desire to protect us and it’s absolutely ok to desire that from a safe and loving man who wants to do that for you! And it doesn’t mean that he doesn’t believe you can’t protect yourself. We all protect what we love so when a godly man loves you, he will want to protect you.
When it comes to a future with him, would you feel safe with him being the protector of you and any children you may have later on?
34. HE WANTS TO BE A PROVIDER.
PROVIDER: “a person who provides something.”
No man can be an effective provider if he is not also a lover and nurturer to those he is providing for. A godly man will want to provide for you and be mature enough to know that this is not limited to just financial and material provision; it is holistic and goes deeper to encompass the spiritual, physical, emotional, mental, relational, and after marriage, sexual. He knows that you are more than able to take care of yourself, but because he cares for you, he wants to take care of you.
35. HE IS PURSUING RIGHTEOUSNESS.
RIGHTEOUSNESS: “the quality of being morally right or justifiable.”
He’s chasing God, not women, money, material possessions, or fame. He is only sowing seeds of righteousness for the Kingdom of God and is a man of self-control, discipline, and respect.
36. HE PURSUES YOU.
You don't have to exhaust yourself with chasing this man down to contact you or spend time with you because he is intentional about pursuing you. Because you know how he feels about you, you can confidently match his energy and effort. When a man wants to get to know you, you will know because he will pursue you.
37. HE IS RESPECTFUL TO YOU AND OTHERS, ESPECIALLY GIRLS & OTHER WOMEN.
RESPECTFUL: “Respect means that you accept somebody for who they are, even when they're different from you or you don't agree with them.”
Watch a man’s interactions with people and how he treats and speaks of everyone, especially those he does not particularly like. You want a kind man who is respectful to and cares for others. This will show that he loves Jesus and also that he will love and care for you well.
A man who treats those in the service industry with the same dignity and respect as those who are “above” him is a good man. Not only does this show that he loves Jesus because he honors all people as image bearers, but it shows that he will love and care for you well.
When you disagree with or challenge him, he is still respectful towards you. Whether he knows a woman or not and even when a woman disagrees or challenges him, he still treats them with respect because he doesn’t believe men are better than women (or vice versa). Watching and listening to this speaks volumes as to how he will treat you and it is is massively important as misogyny and sexism are very real and unfortunately rampant in some evangelical spaces. You want to be with a man who sees and values as an image bearer, his equal, and his partner, not a sex slave doormat.
38. HE IS RESPONSIBLE.
RESPONSIBLE: “having an obligation to do something, or having control over or care for someone, as part of one's job or role.”
Obviously he will never seek to have control over you or anyone else. Being responsible means that he takes full responsibility for his thoughts, words, and actions and he doesn't blame others for them. His responsibility as a man encompasses ALL aspects of his life: financial, spiritual, emotional, mental, and his sex drive! And even if he is “responsible” for you, its from a loving place of protection, not a possessive one. (See #33)
39. HE IS SAFE.
SAFE: “protected from or not exposed to danger or risk; not likely to be harmed or lost.”
We protect what we love and care about. Because he cares deeply about you, he does not want any harm to come to you. You can usually tell when someone has your best interests at heart and he shows it with his words and actions. Safe men don’t just say things to give the illusion of being safe, their actions line up and make you feel safe spiritually, physically, emotionally, mentally, and after marriage, sexually.
40. HE SHOWS YOU OFF.
Everyone is different and some people are way more private than others, but this doesn’t mean that he has to be posting every single thing on social media. It does mean that he will absolutely want people to know that you all are together. He will want to introduce you to his family and friends as his girlfriend (or whatever you agree to be called that signifies exclusivity). It’s always a red flag if he doesn’t want to be seen in public with you, and the only excuse not to introduce you to his family is if they are extremely toxic and he wants to protect you.
41. HE USES SOCIAL MEDIA WISELY.
There is nothing wrong with Facebook, Instagram, Twitter, Youtube, TikTok, etc., but he doesn’t have an addiction and is very wise with how and how much he uses them. He doesn’t like or post naked or half-naked pictures of others or himself and he always seeks to interact in a respectful manner with everyone online. He is firm when he needs to be, but he is not combative, degrading, or mean to anyone.
42. HE IS SUITABLE FOR YOU, NOT MERELY COMPATIBLE.
SUITABLE: “right or appropriate for a particular person, purpose, or situation.”
COMPATIBLE: “(of two things) able to exist or occur together without conflict; capable of easy interaction.”
There are a lot of people who are compatible with, but not suitable for each other. Suitability means that someone has the sufficient or required properties for a certain purpose or task. For instance, if you want to be an overseas missionary, a CEO who wants to stay in the states and use what God has given him to bring the Gospel and influence to his company and everyone he works with and serves is not going to be suitable for you. Or if you have a heart for evangelism and discipleship and a man has no interest in that, you are not suitable for each other.
The unique gifts and skills that God has given to each of you will complement each other and be used for a specific purpose to bring Him glory. Do you want to settle for convenient compatibility or be glad that you waited on God for kingdom suitability?
43. HE IS PRO-THERAPY & GOING TO THERAPY OR CURRENTLY LOOKING FOR A THERAPIST.
THERAPY: “the treatment of mental or psychological disorders by psychological means.”
THERAPIST: “Therapists, or psychotherapists, are licensed mental health professionals who specialize in helping clients develop better cognitive and emotional skills, reduce symptoms of mental illness, and cope with various life challenges to improve their lives.”
A healthy man has been to therapy, is currently going to therapy, or is actively looking for a therapist. If he is anti-therapy, DO NOT PROCEED.
Whoever says therapy is not for Christians, that it’s evil, and/or that it means that we don’t trust God has some severely incorrect and unhealthy beliefs about God, the fall, how God has created us, and about mental and emotional health. Therapy is absolutely for Christians because God gave us minds, bodies, souls, spirits and one will always affect the other.
Therapy is a great way to maintain and grow in holistic wellness. The same way that God has given us doctors for our bodies, he has given us doctors for our souls. The same way God has given us wisdom and discernment to find good doctors for our bodies, He has given us the same capacity for finding a good therapist for us. All Christians should use discernment when it comes to what we allow in our lives and therapy and therapists are no different.
It is also easy to find a Christian therapist who knows how to integrate Scripture with their training that they have received. Even if you are having sessions with a non-Christian therapist, they are trained on how to implement your faith into their sessions with you.
Going to therapy also doesn’t have to mean that you have gone through something traumatic in your life. Therapy is for everyone and can help you “develop better cognitive and emotional skills, reduce symptoms of mental illness, and cope with various life challenges to improve your life.”
REFLECT & APPLY:
What are some other godly characteristics and green flags that would you would look for in a godly man?
Do you currently know any men who possess these good and healthy qualities? Encourage them by sharing this post with them and telling them what you appreciate about them! :)
