Online Dating 101

Sep 4

Written By Britani Anthony

So, you’ve decided to date online. Welcome to the weird and wacky world of online dating!

It seems like everyone is online dating these days. And especially since the pandemic started in 2020, even more people have been partaking. IMO, this has been both a good AND a bad thing.

Whether you…

- are wondering what online dating even is,
- think it’s a bad idea,
- have had bad experiences,
- haven’t tried it and want to, but don’t know what the heck you’re doing and need some help, or
- are just curious about others’ experiences

You are in “luck’ because this is the blog post for you!

Let me just go ahead and say this: THERE IS ABSOLUTELY NOTHING WRONG WITH CHRISTIANS DOING ONLINE DATING!!! It doesn’t mean you don’t trust God! He still has to bring the right person into your path no matter how you meet someone, so the same goes for dating ONLINE!

Online dating also doesn’t mean you’re desperate! You’re just expanding your way of potentially meeting someone special.

WHAT IS ONLINE DATING?

So, What exactly is online dating? Simply put, it’s a system that enables people to find and introduce themselves to potential romantic connections over the internet.

MY EXPERIENCE

Are you ready for this? I have been online dating on and off since 2007! Yes, for almost 15 years and since I was 19 I have been on 19 different dating sites and apps and have used 1 matchmaking service.

Black People Meet
Black Planet
BLK
Bumble
Christian Cafe
Christian Dating For Free
Christian Mingle
Coffee Meets Bagel
Crosspaths
Eharmony
Facebook Dating
For Farmers Only
Hinge
Match
OKCupid
Plenty of Fish (Fools)
Tinder
Upward
Zoosk
Equally Yoked Dating Service

You name it, I have probably tried it. Actually, that’s not true. I haven’t been on any weird fringe ones for someone who is looking for polyamorous or BDSM activities.

While I have been on a number of dates and had some encouraging interactions and I’ve learned A LOT, there are some real garbage men out there; and I don’t mean sanitation workers.

It used to be extremely discouraging, frustrating, and exhausting for me and sometimes I have feared that I will be single forever. But God has really helped me to grow in trusting Him and His timing while enjoying my singleness. The last thing I want to do is ruin my life because I married the wrong man out of fear, loneliness and desperation.

OHERS’ EXPERIENCES

I never discourage online dating because I know of 5 godly couples who have met and gotten married through online dating sites! What I do discourage is online dating without wisdom and discernment (hence why I wrote this blog post.)

One of my best friends is coming up on 3 years of wedded bliss with her husband and let me tell you, they are perfect for each other and so, so cute together! A friend from college met her future husband 3 days after making her first ever online dating profile. Another young woman I knew some years back received a message from her future husband literally the day that she was about to delete her profile! One woman I met through Facebook met her husband on an online dating website. A couple I met in Virginia at a church one time met online and got married as well.

It can definitely happen!

SHOULD YOU TRY IT?

If you want to, go for it! It can only be unwise or sinful depending on what your intentions are. If you follow Jesus and love God’s Word, your intentions should not be to looking for people to hook up with. If they are, we need a deeper conversation, friend!

Make sure you’re not going into online dating believing you WILL meet your husband. You could, but think of this as simply expanding your opportunities and ways to meet new people, make new friends, have fun experiences, and possibly meet someone to marry.

If you are dating from a place of fear, loneliness, and desperation, you don’t need to be dating at all. if you have recently broken up with someone, you don’t need to be dating at all. If you just want physical affection, you don’t need to be dating at all. Do some serious self-reflection before you go online!

TIPS & ADVICE

Make sure your relationship with God is in a strong and healthy place before you date. If you don’t know God, you won’t know who you are or what you are looking for. And you will also be more prone to accept anything from anyone out of desperation. This is not God’s will for your life!
Know what dating is and WHY you are even dating. Check out my post “Before You Date”.
YOU MUST BE SELECTIVE AS FORETOLD! While it’s good to go on dates and get practice, everyone doesn’t deserve your time or a date. Men are NOT entitled to your mind, body, soul, spirit, or time. Use your “NO” as much as you want. And don’t hesitate to unmatch, block, or delete anyone who disrespects or makes fun of your boundaries.
Establish, communicate, and enforce your boundaries and give consequences for violated boundaries. Do not tolerate disrespect or people who have vastly different faith and values from you.
Always date in community! You need trusted friends to talk with you, encourage you when you are discouraged, and to stop you from running off the cliff of desperation into the seat of settling. WE DON’T DO THAT HERE, MA’AM!! Let your friends and accountability know you’re online dating and help you with it.
Get a Text Now Number and set up your voicemail. Text Now is an app that gives you a free local number of your choice! This way you don’t have to worry about some potentially dangerous stalker or weirdo having your actual phone number and me finding him to have a little chat about his unacceptable behavior. You can also change your number anytime you want if you have any issues with them trying to contact you from another number.
Ask about their communication style and be prepared to get rid of men who are lazy, low effort, illiterate, and who don’t know how to hold conversations. Save your time by having standards about the kind of engagement and conversations you want to have. Ask questions like, “are you more engaging through text, video chat, and/or in person?” to get a feel for if they will be you’re open to giving them your Text Now number to continue conversing.

SETTING UP YOUR PROFILE

When setting up your profile, be sure to be thorough, but brief. Remember this acronym: PPM. No, it doesn’t mean, “Please pass the meatloaf.” It stands for:

PICTURES: Make sure you have some full-bodied pictures in different environments with good lighting and that you’re smiling and having a good time.
PROFILE: Keep it fairly short and simple. Be unique and tell a little bit about yourself and don’t give details about what you do or don’t want in a man. This is to keep the counterfeit chameleons away and so you don’t sound negative.
MESSAGE: Make your message warm and engaging. Say hello and bring up something they said in their profile to start a conversation about. For example: “Hi James! I saw that one of your pictures is at the Botanical Gardens. What do you enjoy about it?” Always try to ask open-ended questions.

WHAT TO LOOK FOR ON SOMEONE’S PROFILE

PPM still applies here as well!

PICTURES: Do you find him physically attractive overall or do you have squint your eyes and tilt your head to tell? Does he have quality, FULL BODY pictures that show him in a variety of environments in good lighting? Is he smiling?
PROFILE: What does he say about himself? Is he interesting to you? Does he put effort into his bio and communicate well? What does his info say regarding his age, body type, lifestyle, kids, drugs, drinking habits, faith, what he is looking for, etc.?
MESSAGE: If he messages you, does he make an effort to stand out and be creative and engaging or does he hit you with the lazy and low effort, “hey”, “hi”, or “hey beautiful”? Ugh. Gag me with a spoon!

RED FLAGS
- You’re not physically attracted to him,
- His profile is lazy garbage.
- He has a long laundry list of what he is or isn’t looking for.
- They possess any of your deal breakers or red flags.
- Their pictures are inappropriate, selfies, have heavy filters, any bed pics, majority car pics, naked/half naked, outdated, incarceration, in the club, with alcohol, money, or drugs;
- Moves way too slow or fast for you.

PROPERLY VETTING POTENTIAL DATES

If your goal is to find quality men to go on quality dates with, you need to know how to properly vet them before giving them your time. Make sure you have set up your Text Now number and voicemail.

After a few message exchanges or 2 days of chatting, ask to set up a video date if he has not yet. You can’t necessarily evaluate a man based on his messaging/texting style, so this will save you from wasting your time messaging someone you may not actually even click with.
Video chat on the app so you can pre-screen them in a live conversation. The point of this is to be fun, see what they look and sound like in person, and to see if your personalities click. Don’t feel pressured to ask any dealbreakers or hard questions, but if they come up while you’re chatting, take note and then decide how you would like to proceed. Is he kind, respectful, and engaging? Do you still want to meet in person? If so….
Set up an in person date or move video dates if he doesn’t live near you. If he asks you out, ask him for the day, the time, and the place in the same conversation and for enough notice. If he doesn’t want to meet up, move on.
Consider going on at least 3 dates with a guy before you make a decision about him. I know 3 might seem like a lot. Trust me, I get it! The exception is if there are any red flags (disrespectful, violates boundaries, makes fun of your boundaries, etc.) in which case you should cut it off and move on to someone who is a better fit.
After 3 dates, decided if and how you want to keep him in your life. He will either be someone you’ll not want to see again; a friend; a ministry/business connection; a connection for someone else; a connection to your person; or your person.

WHAT’S NEXT?

Whew sis. Stay positive. Take breaks when you need to, but also challenge yourself to keep going. Don’t tolerate red flags and disrespect. Use discernment and wisdom. Filter as much as you can and consider paying so you can filter more than with a free version of whatever app you are using.

REFLECT & APPLY

What has your experience been like with online dating?
Do you need some help setting up your profile? If so, send me a message and I’d love to help you in any way that I can!

Britani Anthony

Online Dating 101

So, you’ve decided to date online. Welcome to the weird and wacky world of online dating!

It seems like everyone is online dating these days. And especially since the pandemic started in 2020, even more people have been partaking. IMO, this has been both a good AND a bad thing.

Whether you…

Online dating also doesn’t mean you’re desperate! You’re just expanding your way of potentially meeting someone special.

So, What exactly is online dating? Simply put, it’s a system that enables people to find and introduce themselves to potential romantic connections over the internet.

You name it, I have probably tried it. Actually, that’s not true. I haven’t been on any weird fringe ones for someone who is looking for polyamorous or BDSM activities.

While I have been on a number of dates and had some encouraging interactions and I’ve learned A LOT, there are some real garbage men out there; and I don’t mean sanitation workers.

OHERS’ EXPERIENCES

It can definitely happen!

SHOULD YOU TRY IT?

If you want to, go for it! It can only be unwise or sinful depending on what your intentions are. If you follow Jesus and love God’s Word, your intentions should not be to looking for people to hook up with. If they are, we need a deeper conversation, friend!

Make sure you’re not going into online dating believing you WILL meet your husband. You could, but think of this as simply expanding your opportunities and ways to meet new people, make new friends, have fun experiences, and possibly meet someone to marry.

TIPS & ADVICE

Make sure your relationship with God is in a strong and healthy place before you date. If you don’t know God, you won’t know who you are or what you are looking for. And you will also be more prone to accept anything from anyone out of desperation. This is not God’s will for your life!

Know what dating is and WHY you are even dating. Check out my post “Before You Date”.

Establish, communicate, and enforce your boundaries and give consequences for violated boundaries. Do not tolerate disrespect or people who have vastly different faith and values from you.

SETTING UP YOUR PROFILE

When setting up your profile, be sure to be thorough, but brief. Remember this acronym: PPM. No, it doesn’t mean, “Please pass the meatloaf.” It stands for:

PICTURES: Make sure you have some full-bodied pictures in different environments with good lighting and that you’re smiling and having a good time.

PROFILE: Keep it fairly short and simple. Be unique and tell a little bit about yourself and don’t give details about what you do or don’t want in a man. This is to keep the counterfeit chameleons away and so you don’t sound negative.

MESSAGE: Make your message warm and engaging. Say hello and bring up something they said in their profile to start a conversation about. For example: “Hi James! I saw that one of your pictures is at the Botanical Gardens. What do you enjoy about it?” Always try to ask open-ended questions.

WHAT TO LOOK FOR ON SOMEONE’S PROFILE

PPM still applies here as well!

PICTURES: Do you find him physically attractive overall or do you have squint your eyes and tilt your head to tell? Does he have quality, FULL BODY pictures that show him in a variety of environments in good lighting? Is he smiling?

PROFILE: What does he say about himself? Is he interesting to you? Does he put effort into his bio and communicate well? What does his info say regarding his age, body type, lifestyle, kids, drugs, drinking habits, faith, what he is looking for, etc.?

MESSAGE: If he messages you, does he make an effort to stand out and be creative and engaging or does he hit you with the lazy and low effort, “hey”, “hi”, or “hey beautiful”? Ugh. Gag me with a spoon!

If your goal is to find quality men to go on quality dates with, you need to know how to properly vet them before giving them your time. Make sure you have set up your Text Now number and voicemail.

After a few message exchanges or 2 days of chatting, ask to set up a video date if he has not yet. You can’t necessarily evaluate a man based on his messaging/texting style, so this will save you from wasting your time messaging someone you may not actually even click with.

Set up an in person date or move video dates if he doesn’t live near you. If he asks you out, ask him for the day, the time, and the place in the same conversation and for enough notice. If he doesn’t want to meet up, move on.

After 3 dates, decided if and how you want to keep him in your life. He will either be someone you’ll not want to see again; a friend; a ministry/business connection; a connection for someone else; a connection to your person; or your person.

WHAT’S NEXT?

Whew sis. Stay positive. Take breaks when you need to, but also challenge yourself to keep going. Don’t tolerate red flags and disrespect. Use discernment and wisdom. Filter as much as you can and consider paying so you can filter more than with a free version of whatever app you are using.

REFLECT & APPLY

What has your experience been like with online dating?

Do you need some help setting up your profile? If so, send me a message and I’d love to help you in any way that I can!

Online Dating 101

So, you’ve decided to date online. Welcome to the weird and wacky world of online dating!

It seems like everyone is online dating these days. And especially since the pandemic started in 2020, even more people have been partaking. IMO, this has been both a good AND a bad thing.

Whether you…

Online dating also doesn’t mean you’re desperate! You’re just expanding your way of potentially meeting someone special.

So, What exactly is online dating? Simply put, it’s a system that enables people to find and introduce themselves to potential romantic connections over the internet.

You name it, I have probably tried it. Actually, that’s not true. I haven’t been on any weird fringe ones for someone who is looking for polyamorous or BDSM activities.

While I have been on a number of dates and had some encouraging interactions and I’ve learned A LOT, there are some real garbage men out there; and I don’t mean sanitation workers.

OHERS’ EXPERIENCES

It can definitely happen!

SHOULD YOU TRY IT?

If you want to, go for it! It can only be unwise or sinful depending on what your intentions are. If you follow Jesus and love God’s Word, your intentions should not be to looking for people to hook up with. If they are, we need a deeper conversation, friend!

Make sure you’re not going into online dating believing you WILL meet your husband. You could, but think of this as simply expanding your opportunities and ways to meet new people, make new friends, have fun experiences, and possibly meet someone to marry.

TIPS & ADVICE

Make sure your relationship with God is in a strong and healthy place before you date. If you don’t know God, you won’t know who you are or what you are looking for. And you will also be more prone to accept anything from anyone out of desperation. This is not God’s will for your life!

Know what dating is and WHY you are even dating. Check out my post “Before You Date”.

Establish, communicate, and enforce your boundaries and give consequences for violated boundaries. Do not tolerate disrespect or people who have vastly different faith and values from you.

SETTING UP YOUR PROFILE

When setting up your profile, be sure to be thorough, but brief. Remember this acronym: PPM. No, it doesn’t mean, “Please pass the meatloaf.” It stands for:

PICTURES: Make sure you have some full-bodied pictures in different environments with good lighting and that you’re smiling and having a good time.

PROFILE: Keep it fairly short and simple. Be unique and tell a little bit about yourself and don’t give details about what you do or don’t want in a man. This is to keep the counterfeit chameleons away and so you don’t sound negative.

MESSAGE: Make your message warm and engaging. Say hello and bring up something they said in their profile to start a conversation about. For example: “Hi James! I saw that one of your pictures is at the Botanical Gardens. What do you enjoy about it?” Always try to ask open-ended questions.

WHAT TO LOOK FOR ON SOMEONE’S PROFILE

PPM still applies here as well!

PICTURES: Do you find him physically attractive overall or do you have squint your eyes and tilt your head to tell? Does he have quality, FULL BODY pictures that show him in a variety of environments in good lighting? Is he smiling?

PROFILE: What does he say about himself? Is he interesting to you? Does he put effort into his bio and communicate well? What does his info say regarding his age, body type, lifestyle, kids, drugs, drinking habits, faith, what he is looking for, etc.?

MESSAGE: If he messages you, does he make an effort to stand out and be creative and engaging or does he hit you with the lazy and low effort, “hey”, “hi”, or “hey beautiful”? Ugh. Gag me with a spoon!

If your goal is to find quality men to go on quality dates with, you need to know how to properly vet them before giving them your time. *Make sure you have set up your Text Now number and voicemail.*

After a few message exchanges or 2 days of chatting, ask to set up a video date if he has not yet. You can’t necessarily evaluate a man based on his messaging/texting style, so this will save you from wasting your time messaging someone you may not actually even click with.

Set up an in person date or move video dates if he doesn’t live near you. If he asks you out, ask him for the day, the time, and the place in the same conversation and for enough notice. If he doesn’t want to meet up, move on.

After 3 dates, decided if and how you want to keep him in your life. He will either be someone you’ll not want to see again; a friend; a ministry/business connection; a connection for someone else; a connection to your person; or your person.

WHAT’S NEXT?

Whew sis. Stay positive. Take breaks when you need to, but also challenge yourself to keep going. Don’t tolerate red flags and disrespect. Use discernment and wisdom. Filter as much as you can and consider paying so you can filter more than with a free version of whatever app you are using.

REFLECT & APPLY

What has your experience been like with online dating?

Do you need some help setting up your profile? If so, send me a message and I’d love to help you in any way that I can!

Dating 101: The Layers of Suitability

The Art of Conversation & Connection

If your goal is to find quality men to go on quality dates with, you need to know how to properly vet them before giving them your time. Make sure you have set up your Text Now number and voicemail.