Dating 101: Before You Date (Part 1)
“You need to know God and yourself before you can know what you want in a man.”
If you are like me and many other single Christian women, you want to get married one day. This (unfortunately) means that you’re more than likely going to have to enter the world of dating. Hooray! (but not really.) Or perhaps you won’t because you just don’t want to or you get lucky and meet your person without having to do this. Either way, you need to consider some foundational concepts before dating.
So many people jump right into dating without doing/asking any kind of soul-reflection, self-awareness, and heart work or questions. Normally this is out of ignorance because we don’t know any better. But no matter when you start dating, not doing any of these can cause lots of issues. If you’ve ever run into emotionally unavailable men who didn’t know what they wanted, this is the result of that. This is why I think it’s immensely important for you to ask yourself a number of questions before you ever think about dating:
WHO….
Is God?
Has God created you to be?
Are you in Christ?
Dates?
Should you date?
WHAT…
Is dating???
Is your relationship with God like and why is it important?
Has God called you to do?
Are your core values?
Are your personal boundaries and why are they important to know, establish, communicate, enforce, and give consequences when they are violated?
Are your dating and relationship standards? Your non-negotiables, preferences, deal breakers, and flags (red, yellow, and green) that you are looking for?
Questions do you need to be asking and behaviors do you need to be observing when dating in order to properly screen men for a potential godly relationship?
Do you want… in life?… in a godly man? …in a godly romantic relationship? ... from a godly spouse?... in a loving and healthy marriage that is rooted in Christ?
Do you have to offer a healthy relationship?
WHEN…
Are you ready to start dating?
To keep moving forward with someone.
To walk away from someone.
WHERE…
To meet quality, marriage-minded Christian men.
To go on dates.
WHY…
You need a strong relationship with the Lord.
Do you need to know, love, and be yourself at all times?
Are you dating?
HOW TO...
Have a strong relationship with the Lord.
Know, love, and be yourself at all times.
Know what you want in a romantic relationship.
Give green lights to men you are interested in (this is not pursuit!)
Know when a man IS interested.
Know when a man ISN’T interested in you.
Weed out unsuitable men who you shouldn’t give a second thought to.
Wisely and confidently communicate what you’re looking for to others.
Confidently tell someone you’re not interested, not feel bad about it, and keep it moving.
Confidently spot red flags and immediately RUN!!!
Stay encouraged even when you just aren’t meeting the right men.
Date!!!
All of these things are important to know, but the MAIN thing is that we really need to focus on God and knowing Him. When we are right with Him, we are right within. When we are loving, studying, and applying His Word to our lives, we will know our identity (who we are), our purpose, and value. and how to navigate life. These will deter us from settling for and wasting time with men who are not suitable for us due to bad advice from others who want you to settle (for whatever terrible reason) and/or your own fear, desperation, and lack of faith for God to bring the right man in His timing! While there are definitely good men out there, you need to learn to quickly weed out the men who are not good for *YOU*.
Unfortunately, I think many of us forgo these very crucial parts of preparing to date and while dating either out of ignorance or fear because we think the pool of godly marriage options is small. That is not a pleasant thing to think about especially if you are a mature Christian, 30+, and it feels like there are 3.14159 men for every 500 women! Hello somebody!! But ladies, rare does NOT mean extinct! DO NOT SETTLE! We don’t practice polyandry and all we need is ONE godly man who is right for us! The sooner you recognize these things, the easier dating can be because you won’t waste time entertaining and dating the wrong men.
Sisters, please remember that we have a good Father who is sovereign and trustworthy. He loves, cares for, and knows what is best for us. You’re also NOT desperate and should never act out of fear. While you don’t deserve a romantic relationship, if you are looking for one, your standards should be high and you do deserve a loving and healthy one with a godly man who wants the same with only you! You will never regret not wasting your time!
Please, please, please do some legitimate self and soul evaluation and dive deeply with these questions so that your time won’t be wasted. Check out my “Soul Reflection Questions” and “Holistic Wellness Guide”.
