Have you ever heard someone say, “boundaries are not Biblical?” Does that sound strange or normal to you? Though the Scriptures do not explicitly speak on boundaries (there are actually a lot of things the Scriptures don’t explicitly speak on), as we grow in our relationship with God and His Word, we can use Biblical principles, discernment, and wisdom to establish, communicate, and enforce healthy boundaries.
What Are Boundaries?
”Boundaries protect what is sacred.” Ekemini Uwan
Boundaries are “the limits and rules we set for ourselves within relationships.”
Imagine that you have a flower or vegetable garden that you are growing. You’ve taken the time to choose your pots or bed, the seeds, the soil, the perfect spot in your yard to make sure it gets enough proper sunlight. You are so proud of your little garden that you take very good care of - making sure it gets the right amount of water, sun, and nurturing that it needs to thrive. Any time you get a chance, you enjoy telling people about it because it brings you so much joy to tend to.
What would you do if someone came along and started pouring bleach in your precious little garden that brings you so much joy? Would you ignore what they were doing? Simply ask them to stop in a sheepish tone? Or would you confront them about what they were doing and take the appropriate steps to get them to stop?
YOU are that precious garden, sis. And when people start trying to pour bleach on your soul in an effort to impede your growth, purpose, or downright destroy you, you MUST take action.
Love Sets Boundaries
All throughout Scripture we see that God has set boundaries with humanity for our ultimate good. Adam and Eve were told of the boundaries when it came to which tress they could eat from in the Garden of Eden. God set boundaries with His chosen people, Israel, how to worship Him in the Old Testament. God set boundaries with how we were to interact with each other. God set boundaries with what marriage is, how it is to be on display to honor Him, and to be a beautiful earthly representation of Christ and the church.
If it were not for these boundaries that God set out of love for us and a clear manifestation of His holiness, we would inhale chaos and destroy ourselves. We have unfortunately seen the consequences of disobedience and rebellion against God’s boundaries since the creation of humanity and still to this very day in every culture and continent.
God is love (John 4:7-12) and He has set boundaries. Boundaries are created to honor and to protect.
Are You Bad At Setting Personal Boundaries?
1. You pursue someone else’s plan and abandon God’s.
When God has told you or led you to do something very specific, are you easily swayed by others to do what someone else wants you to do or believes you should do?
2. You tolerate mistreatment, abuse, and any other kind of harm.
Maybe you were brought up in an unhealthy environment that did not value your safety and protection spiritually, physcially, emotionally, mentally, verbally, sexually, financially, etc. and you are still unlearning or unaware of
3. You believe love comes without limits.
Is God love? Yes! Does love have limits? YES! This common misunderstanding that love has no limits that has led to many people to stay in situations and environments that are harmful and dishonoring to God as well as themselves.
4. You take responsibility for the wrong things.
Other people’s actions and responses are not your responsibility. If you were always made to take responsibility for other people unnecessarily, that is not something God wants you to hold onto any longer. Ask Him to help you let go of those things from the past and to give you discernment about what is and is not your responsibility now.
5. You are hurt when others say “No”.
This can often can come from being a people pleaser and internalizing someone telling you no as rejection of who you are as a person. If you grew up constantly trying to please others out of fear of being abandoned, unaccepted, and never being given the option to say no when necessary, hearing someone tell you “no” can be very triggering. Remember that someone telling you no is not a rejection of who you are. It is simply them exercising their own boundary to accept what you want to offer them or not.
Setting Boundaries, Saying No, & Meaning It
1. God loves you and cares about your safety and protection. He has boundaries and so should you. If you are a born again follower of Jesus christ, you have Holy Spirit living in you and He will embolden you to set boundaries for yourself.
2. You cannot control what anyone else does or how they respond, but you CAN control what you say and do. You are not powerless. Your power and ability to say no come from God!
3. Do not ignore your gut if someone says or does something that makes you feel uncomfortable. Ask God for discernment and boldness..
4. If you have a hard time saying no to people or setting healthy boundaries for your well-being, seek God and do some inner heart work to figure out why this is the case for you.
5. Remember that you don’t owe anyone a “yes” to anything. Your comfortability matters.
REFLECT & APPLY
1. What were you taught about boundaries growing up, either verbally or non-verbally?
2. Take some time to write down your personal boundaries. Where do you need to adjust your boundaries so that you can be a healthier and more whole woman of God?
3. How do you want to grow in establishing, communicating, enforcing, and giving consequences for your boundaries when they are violated?
