Why Are You (Still) Single?
This is literally all of our faces when someone asks us this question… Like… did you REALLY just say that to me???
Don’t you love getting this question from people? Especially when they are not well-meaning. Does it make you want to make some un-Christlike clapbacks to them? You’re not alone, but just make sure the clapbacks don’t dishonor God.
I am 35 and I have never been in a relationship. No husband, no fiancé, no boyfriend, nothing. I have over 16 years of dating experience and have always deeply longed for romantic love and companionship my entire life, so it’s not for lack of trying.
I haven’t gotten this question in a while (Thank God!), but when I did occasionally, I would cringe and a wave of anger, sadness, confusion, and frustration would wash over me. Most people were/are in disbelief that I have never been in a relationship with a man. For me, it’s moved from being an occasional internal insecurity of mine that felt like it would only be remedied when I was finally found by the godly man that I had been waiting and praying for, to a, “Meh. It’ll happen if/when God wants it to. I would still welcome the ’m enjoying my life as it is and would still welcome the right man into my life.”
But if you honestly ask yourself this question, what do you believe the answer is? That something is wrong with YOU? That YOU live in the wrong city? That YOU aren’t doing enough? That YOU aren’t ready? That YOU didn’t do all of the rituals and mantras and affirmations and remove YOUR “negative thinking” YOU should have?
What’s the common denominator in those intrusive and unhelpful thoughts? YOU. It makes it all about US and there being something wrong with US and that WE aren’t doing this or that or enough. I’m not saying that there aren’t things that we can and should be working on, but it shouldn’t be so that we can “get and keep a man”. No. Work on you for YOU and everyone else will just benefit from that. I’m SICK of people who make it seem like it’s always “our fault” that we are single as if singleness is a curse or death sentence for us.
Where is the sovereignty and timing of God in our seasons and life???
While there are a number of reasons we are single, I believe they can all be placed into 3 categories:
God’s timing.
It just simply may not be the right time yet. It could be because you have not yet begun to do the inner heart work that is needed to have a happy, healthy, and holy relationship or that your current season is being used mightily for the Kingdom and the best friend and purpose partner that God has for you is not supposed to come alongside to serve God with yet.God’s protection.
The dating world is perilous. How many counterfeits, serpents, and demonic distractions have you run into who were intended to take you off course from your purpose in serving God? God is often protecting His daughters from wicked men who hate Him and therefore hate us as well.God is using us mightily for the Kingdom and growing us in many, many ways in this amazing season!
Our current seasons are a blessing no matter how frustrating it can get. God wants nothing but for us to maximize this wonderfully abundant time for His glory that we might not be able to with someone else.
The Specific reasons?
We are not meeting men who are suitable for us and we refuse to settle for good men who are still not on our level, nor Satan’s serpents and distractions.
We are doing things God’s way and unwilling to follow the ways of the world.
No one knows any godly and suitable single men to introduce us to.
We have relationship baggage and are still healing from unhealthy relationships we never should have been in.
We are still healing from childhood and past traumas that we need to sit with the Lord in and see a therapist about.
We don’t know what we are doing, so we aren’t doing anything.
God, for various reasons, is blocking our efforts to meet someone.
We are afraid of relationships and genuinely not ready.
We have other goals we want to pursue and meet before we date or meet someone (getting out of (more) debt, starting a business, getting healthier, etc.)
We know how important it is to choose the right marriage partner and we refuse to choose someone out of fear, loneliness, and desperation.
We are enjoying singleness and are not currently interested in dating at the moment (especially with the way the dating pool is currently set up.)
We have not done the work necessary to be healthy for ourselves and therefore to be healthy for a relationship so that we don’t destroy it before it even begins.
