For the Sometimes Lonely & Occasionally Frustrated, But Never Alone, Defeated, or Desperate Single
“So do not fear, for I am with you;
do not be dismayed, for I am your God.
I will strengthen you and help you;
I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.”
Isaiah 41:10
“I might live the rest of my life
And even die single,
But I won’t live or die alone.
The number of happy, healthy,
and loving relationships
I have with my family and friends
are a blessing beyond measure.
And what’s even more important
is that my life and the Kingdom legacy I’m leaving,
be remembered as one that was poured out for
God and the Gospel.”
“Brit, you’re blessing so many people in your singleness.”
I was in my kitchen in the summer of 2020 and one of my sweet friends of 4 years encouraged me as we were talking on the phone. I was lamenting once again about singleness and my desire to finally meet and serve the Lord and share my life with my best friend.
It seems abundantly clear that He is keeping us single because we can do more for Him right now than we could with the godly man He may have for us.
“Maybe he’s not saved yet.”
“Maybe he’s currently an overseas missionary and he’s not back in the states yet.”
“Maybe you’ve already met him and it’s just not time yet.”
The bottom line is: it’s just not time yet.
God is being glorified the MOST right now in our singleness. And if we could do more for the Lord with a godly man by my side right now, then God would send Him.
Singleness is not punishment or downgrade and marriage is not a reward, upgrade, nor ultimate goal in life.
There are times where I have cried myself to sleep because I am still single at 35, have never had a boyfriend, and have absolutely no prospects for a godly relationship that I’ve been praying and waiting years for.
Sometimes it hurts to talk about. And I have hashed it out with God many, many, many MANY times. Then it all came out. In 2019 every single tear, emotion, thought, and scream I had been suppressing about a godly marriage was brought to the forefront. And my Father welcomed it. He never told me to hold all of that in. He always welcomed me to come to Him with it all.
What I have to remember is that Jesus is enough and at the end of the day I can’t ( and shouldn’t) force anything or make anything work with just any old body just so I can say that I’m in a relationship. I have no options. I have to wait. If I don’t wait on God - if WE don’t wait on God - we will settle, marry someone who is no good for us, and end up miserable possibly for the rest of our lives! Do not allow loneliness to make you backslide into old sinful habits and patterns.
Entering into a relationship out of loneliness means you’ll still be lonely. No thank you! I will wait! And you will too!
I know it seems very bleak out here for the single Christian woman, but God’s timing, no matter how frustrating it is, is BEST. Believe God for whoever He has for you.
How to Navigate Loneliness
Ok, so it’s easier said than done, right? But what are some ways we can navigate the waters of loneliness as single Christian women who desire a godly marriage one day?
Talk and vent to God.
Grow deeper in God’s Word.
Invest in yourself spiritually, physically, emotionally, mentally, and relationally.
Nurture the current family relationships, godly friendships, and community that you have.
Make time for what’s important to you and
Pursue your goals., gifts, talents, passions, and hobbies.
Embrace the solitude and enjoy spending time with you. Take yourself on solo dates.
Keep praying for a godly relationships (while remembering that a relationship will not cure your loneliness)
Seek a mentor/discipler.
Offer to mentor/disciple someone else.
Start a gratitude journal.
REFLECT & APPLY
1. When was the last time you were so frustrated with singleness and cried about it?
2. What does God say to you when you take your tears and frustrations to Him?
3. Which of the ways to navigate loneliness do you find the most helpful for you? What would you add to this list for yourself?
